—Lucinda Garthwaite, ILI Director

I hardly noticed the turn of the year. I was busy, as were many I loved, tending to death and grief, to illness and treatment, and to recovery. We were busy tending ragged relationships, or mourning those that had come undone. One young friend was very busy staying clean, sober, and housed one cold winter day at a time. 

I paid attention to all of it, because, well, love. In the midst of all that, I barely attended to the work on my desk. I forgot to pay bills. I stopped long enough for one, lovely, exhausting Christmas day, but I overcooked part of our dinner, and forgot to put out a pie for dessert.

And that’s just the stuff of life. I’m endlessly grateful to love and be loved by so many, to have meaningful work, and a home that hardly shrugged in the angry gusts of whamming wind that hit it the other night. I’m fine, more than fine.

But I couldn’t possibly have kept up with the news during the end and the start of the years, or soaked in understanding of how various peoples were faring around the world. I stayed with the headlines, but not events that don’t make it to headlines, that matter tremendously, that would matter to me if I knew about them, that I’d want to do something about.

I only have one set of sense to learn with, and those have been tuned lately to struggles very close in.  I could not, I cannot, count on knowing enough to keep my ignorance from causing harm. I could not, I cannot, tend to all of the harms in which I’m complicit and may not know it. I can barely tend to those that I see.

But I can behave in my every day in ways that will nudge systems around me toward thriving and peace. 

When I went back to school in my mid-fifties to study systems change, I grew frustrated fast by the inaccessibility of systems practice knowledge and tools for individuals who wanted to be part of changing systems. Not everyone is an activist. Few have the resources to access training and graduate degrees. Fewer have money and power to hire consultants to come in and change systems for them. 

But I reasoned that everyone (with a few exceptions) can choose how they behave. So, I set out to learn what behaviors in those contexts lead to more thriving and peace.  A short list emerged from the search:  awareness, earnest curiosity, courage, steadiness, grace, accountability, steely compassion, nonviolence.

I can practice all that, knowing that practice never makes perfect; it only makes change.

I can sharpen awareness of how I am, of how I behave, of the experiences of those around me.  I can be earnestly curious, genuinely interested in others’ perspectives. That requires courage of course; I  will feel discomfort and fear, sometimes, as I listen to others. And in those moments, I need to be steady – breathe deeply, remind myself I will be alright, resist defensiveness.

When others misstep and cause me harm, or when I see them cause harm to others, I can be gracious. I can assume they’re complex human beings (because everyone is), and that their misstep came from harm done to them, or from honest ignorance. When harm persists, I can work to be brave and curious enough to find a way to stop it, or at least to diminish its impact. When I cause harm, I can be accountable.

I can practice compassion, try not to cause suffering, or wish it on others. I can practice nonviolence, not speaking or acting in ways that diminish or disparage another’s complex humanity.

That all sounds rather monk-like, doesn’t it? Maybe, but ask any serious monk and they’ll tell you—they never get it right. And I won’t either. I’ll practice.

I’m all about learning, and I’ll keep at it because it’s my work. It’s my work because I love it and am well-suited for it, and because the shape of my life usually allows it. But that’s not the case for everyone.  And for myriad reasons I’ll never learn enough to uncover all my biases, or to fully understand the tenacious, age-old, creeping web of systemic harms.

The hopeful news is that practicing (Practicing! No one ever gets anything all the way right.) awareness, earnest curiosity, courage, steadiness, grace, accountability, steely compassion, and nonviolence actually does contribute to more people thriving in ever more peace. It’s not everything, but it’s a lot – and nothing can stop me from trying.

I’m not much for new year’s resolutions, but I’ll take the start of anything to remind myself of things I can do to align my life with more thriving and peace. So, now I’ve reminded myself, and now I’ll get on with the year.